Saturday, November 27, 2010

To be taken Daily.


Today I got a refill on some prescription meds I've been taking for the past month to help me in my battle with anxiety and panic attacks. The pills have been a daily reminder of something I hate to face.
1. There is something wrong with me.
2. I'm too weak to battle it on my own.

I've spent the last year absorbing as much content on Manliness as I could get my hands on. I've set goals and tried to grow and mature into more of a responsible, strong, committed, man. I even got up the nerve to ask a girl out on a date and buy a motorcycle. I thought things might finally be coming together. Then CRASH!

My world seems to collapse like a sandcastle during high tide. I couldn't sleep, eat, relax, work. Everything felt overwhelming. There was been a daily assault on my sense of hope for the future which I want to discuss later.

In this battle something has become a clear as the Caribbean sea. My Daily need of God's grace and mercies. Because:
1. There is something wrong with me.
2. I cannot bring about my own salvation.

I hope that someday I won't need these pills but I know that everyday on this earth I need God to be my strength and to release my gorilla grip on all that I think I control about my life. This is why prayer and God's living word are so crucial to my everyday. God knows I seem to have a tragically short memory when it comes to truth and I need the constant reminding.

I am so grateful for His faithfulness to me.

2 comments:

  1. Love the honesty you displayed in this post. Glad to hear that you have spent much of this year reading about manliness as it is something that is lacking in the church right now. I'm looking forward to reading your next post

    -Rymac

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  2. Just saw this post- I'm super thankful for the things Jesus is teaching you and for your humility in sharing with us! It will bring glory to God and good to His people. Press on.

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